To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
