Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
