He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
