so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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