I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
