glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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