whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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