Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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