She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
