i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
