fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
