his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's blow job season.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
