I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I looked at my own cervix.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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