So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
