how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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