fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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