Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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