Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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