At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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