can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
