dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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