come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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