Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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