So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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