when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
