the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
