At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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