before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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