I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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