I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
