that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
