Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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