Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
