who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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