You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hope mine doesn't look like that
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
