erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
