whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
