Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
