mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
