Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
