you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
