I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
