is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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