Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How external is "for external use only"?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
