I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
