Already got asked if we're dating
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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