She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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