pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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