Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
