Already got asked if we're dating
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
