well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
