you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
