When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
