dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
